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Not the Recap, The CrankyCap: ABDC Takes us to FunkyTown

Submitted by on March 17, 2010 – 8:27 pmOne Comment

Image courtesy MTV.com

Our resident recapper MusicBoxGirl has had to take a hiatus from bringing us the SNARK each week. Thankfully, a fellow fan (who’s not too short on the snark herself) has stepped up to the plate to recap last week’s episode.   Please welcome Cranky to the site!

Ooh, a reminder that if you haven’t watched last week’s epsidoe… first of all… SAY WHAT?!  Boogie yourself on over to jc-chasez.net or stream it from MTV.com like right now! Second, please be forewarned of the SPOILERS.  Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle cause HERE WE GOOOOOOOO…

America’s Best Dance Crew – Season 5 – Episode 7 – Won’t you take me to funky town?

By Cranky

On tonight’s episode of ABDC, it’s Disco Week! Dance, boogie wonderland! I’m ridiculously excited about this episode. Nothing gets a person dancing more than disco.

Also of the ridiculous excitement is two, yes you read that right, TWO eliminations! Blueprint Crew earned immunity last week with their awesome Gaga performance so they’re safe. The remaining crews will have to get their groove thang on, put on their Boogie Woogie Dancing Shoes and get on the Funk Train to Turn The Beat Around.

I’ll stop with the song titles now, I promise.

Mario introduces us to the seven remaining crews: Jungle Boogie who look like they stepped right out of the 70’s which I guess is the whole point. Saltare who look … pretty much like they always do. Blueprint Crew who look fierce and very purple. Static Noyze who are all sparkles and glitters. Hype 5-0 who look like they’re from Hawaii. Oh wait, they are, moving on. Heavy Impact who seem to be celebrating St Patrick’s Day a week early. Unless there’s some connection between green and disco that I don’t know about. And finally, Poreotix, looking like robots, as always. Boring.

Mario goes over the whole mishap from last week. Again. The three crews with the most viewer votes are safe. The three crews with the lowest viewer votes will battle it out and only one crew will be saved. Am I the only one who feels this intro stuff lasts too long? Get to the dancing already!

Dear Mario, please for to stop your lame attempts at dancing. You look like an idiot. There’s a reason you’re the host.

Oh, finally! Here we go! As an added challenge, each crew must incorporate a lift into their routine. That should be fun!

First up is Blueprint Crew. In case you missed it, they earned an immunity pass so they’re safe this week. They’ll be performing to “Le freak” by Chic and the move they’ll be incorporating into their routine this week is the funky guitar which quite frankly looks dorky instead of funky to me but what do I know? TL explains Blueprint is more about precise movements and the funky guitar is more groovy. Yes, seems logical as it’s a disco thing. The lift they’ll be doing is called the helicopter which apparently makes you very dizzy. They want to show everyone why they got immunity and that they deserved it. I like that attitude!

Seriously, Mario, what did I just tell you? Stop trying to dance!

Promising start! There’s a 70’s hairpiece flying around which made me laugh but they’re straight into the whole disco feel with the precise movements that we’re so used to. I like that they did the funky guitar but didn’t do it too long to avoid the whole dorkiness and then went straight into their helicopter and merry-go-round lift. And then this one guy (I should look up some names but anyway) comes down the middle and things really kick off! I love the way they move! It’s so natural and, wait for it …. groovy! ;-) They incorporate things that don’t even have to do with their challenge but I see a lot of different disco moves in this routine, with a bonus bboy thing.

The crowd goes wild. As they should. I, however, am completely distracted by the glittery lights going around the room. How cool that they put up a disco ball. (The lights went low and the disco ball came down /random throw back *Nsync moment)

Over to the judges.

JC goes first. He’s taking it all in because he saw so many styles. You can tell he’s excited. His hands are all over the place. Also, he looks awesome! How much do I love that tie? A lot, let me tell you! I’m sorry, getting side-tracked. JC says they obviously had a lot of fun with the 70’s vibe. He was worried the funky guitar thing was going to be super corny (ha! That’s what I said!) but he thinks they touched on it just enough and went above and beyond their task by doing more than one lift. Ah! Dude going through the middle (which is apparently called the Soul Train line) is Derek. Good to know for future reference. And JC is impressed with Nicholas who had to keep his handstand going just to create a nice momentum. In short: it was a good number. Good job.

Do I have to listen to Omarion? I don’t want to. Ugh. Fine. He feels they really embraced their task. He seems to like the fact that Nicholas used the windmill to put on his afro wig and then mentions the lifts with the ladies on top, looking good. Seriously? Has he been taking lessons from Shane? Overall, good job. I’m just glad he’s done talking.

Lil’ Mama’s turn. She looks like she just stepped out of the 70’s and her hair distracted me so much I had to rewind to actually listen to what she said. I don’t know why I bothered. She says it was fun and she liked the Soul Train. She appreciated it. They did their thing. It was creative and it was on point. See? They should just have her record that. She seems to say the same things every week anyway.

We’re back with Mario and the six remaining crews on stage. First up, Static Noyze and Saltare. One of these crews is safe. The crew that will be lighting up the stage on the next episode is ….. OHMYGOD WHAT? Are you kidding me? Saltare! Who is voting for them? They don’t dance! Sure, the jump rope thing is impressive but did I mention that THEY DON’T DANCE?!

Saltare will perform to “Disco Inferno” by The Trammps and they will incorporate The Hustle into their routine. *scratches head* I can’t for the life of me figure out how that’s going to work but okay. Dear me, I don’t know what the heck they’re doing in rehearsals but my 85 year old drunken grandmother can do it better than they do! They want to be in the top 5 so they need a good performance. If they do a bad one, they’re going home. Obviously not or you would have been gone already.

They kick off their routine with the lift which seems like a smart thing to do. It’s not too bad. Or maybe my expectations are just too low. Um, if that was supposed to be The Hustle thing, it sucked. Back to the ropes. It’s still impressive. Somewhat. But oh look, they mess it up again. That’s what? Three weeks in a row? Not on, people! Not cool! To try and salvage what’s left of the routine, the ropes catch fire. Scary! At least they don’t mess that up because that would have hurt. Still, it looked sloppy and basic.

Precious star Gabourey Sidibe is in the audience. She met JC! And survived! Go her! Is that Keri Russell sitting next to her or am I seeing things?

Anyway, to the judges!

Lil’ Mama says Saltare definitely set the stage on fire. Clearly she’s seeing things too. The ropes were on fire, the stage was not. Focus, woman! She thought their performance was interesting and it felt like watching the circus. There are a lot of things I can say about that but I won’t. I’mma be nice. She’s always going to be excited and awed by their performance but she’s noticing there’s only like an eight count of dance. Really? NOW you noticed? They’ve done that since the start of the season! Where the hell have you been?

JC liked the performance a lot but noticed it got a little wonky in the middle, which is really just a nice way of saying they screwed up. He compliments them on taking a huge risk by doing two lifts even though they messed one up and handling the fire from the ropes. He tells them to keep working and that he’s impressed with parts of it. Clearly he forgot to take his sassy pill before the episode. Don’t go easy on them, JC!

Omarion thinks they’re a great group and agrees with JC and Lil’ Mama that they had some great moments in their routine. He feels the timing is really important to what they do and seems to think there are some issues between the crew members that cause them to mess up but he wants them to get back in sync again. Cue the crowd chuckling and a very cute JC who can’t escape the *Nsync stuff no matter how hard he tries. Still, that’s a story for another day, folks. Omarion adds he doesn’t want to see anybody burn. Awful pun. Can he go away yet?

Back on stage with Mario and the four remaining crews. One of the crews that will definitely be back next week is …. Poreotix. No surprises there then. And the next crew that is safe for another week is …. Hype 5-0. Meh.

In case you’ve lost track, the bottom three crews are Static Noyze, Heavy Impact and Jungle Boogie.

Next up, Poreotix! They’ll be dancing to “Dancing Machine” by The Jacksons and they’ll incorporate … the robot. Oooooh! Sounds like a really big challenge for a robotic crew, wouldn’t you say? *rolls eyes* They explain how the Michael Jackson robot is a lot faster than what they do and it will be difficult to incorporate it because they’ll have to move more. Yeah, it’s called dancing. Kind of the point of the show.

Well, I’ll be. I’m actually pleasantly surprised with their performance. They’re finally showing us something more than just the robotix and the tick-tick-tick (tm JC Chasez). They’re using parts of the stage they’ve never seen before. The lift was okay, the robot thing was cool and they even threw in some funky guitar. I can’t quite figure out what the weight lifting thing at the end is about but nevertheless, it’s impressive. Good job.

Omarion thinks this was an interesting challenge for them because they’re usually slower (he means they normally just stand in the one spot) but Michael was a lot more energetic. He felt they rose to the occasion and really did their thing. He says he saw a different side to them and that they used the stage more, which is what he wants to see. They did a good job. He’s still a moron, however.

Lil’ Mama says they definitely stepped it up and actually busted a sweat for a change. She understands they were trying to be versatile. She appreciated all of it. She was excited by the dolphin wave because you didn’t see it coming. I bet she doesn’t see a lot of things coming.

JC admits that for the last three weeks this crew has been losing him with every performance but that this week, they finally got him back. He says everything has been predictable with them so far and ….. oh here we go, the crowd says boo! JC doesn’t care. Sassy JC returns! Rawr! People can say what they want but he can only watch the robotic movements for so long but today they did a little sexy bot and it was fun. They’ve got the sexy bot, yeah! He thought it was a really entertaining performance. I agree with him. But I still don’t like these guys. One performance does not make you America’s best dance crew.

Next up is Hype 5-0, who want to try and make disco more hip-hop. They’ll be incorporating the electric slide into their routine, which they’ll be dancing to “Shake your groove thing” by Peaches & Herbs. One of the girls isn’t sure she trusts the boys enough for the lift. That could be a problem. They feel there’s a lot of pressure on them because they’ve been in the bottom twice already and it’s been difficult for them to impress the judges so they want to prove that they can be different and they can be versatile and that they deserve to stay.

Every week, I tend to forget about this crew. It’s not that they’re bad. They just don’t stand out. I find them to be bland and meh and there’s nothing for me to get excited about. This routine is no different.  Someone does some kind of elbow stand which is slightly cool and hello, flashback to season 3 with a move ripped off from Quest Crew. And then there’s something that looks more like Russian dancing than disco to me. The lifts didn’t impress me one bit. I’m repeating myself, I know, but meh. Part of me feels like they can do better. I also think they’re not really listening to what the judges have been telling them and they just continue to do their thing which holds them back.

JC feels for them because they got the electric slide which is like the wedding party dance and you wonder how you’re supposed to make it look cool. He seems to talk from experience. I’m sure it looks cool if HE does it! He thinks they had fun trying to make it look a little hip-hop and the lifts were fun. The hand hops were dope. Oh JC, I love you dearly but please stop using that word! But he felt the prep for it wasn’t good because the guy just stood there waiting before getting into it and you can’t have JC see you waiting. He also points out he’d like them to move people around the stage a bit more because one person was in the center for most of the routine. Something to think about for next week. Bet you they won’t listen.

Omarion felt they came out strong and he got to see so many visuals. I don’t think we’re watching the same show. He shows a slow-mo of the hand hops and says there’s a lot of other stuff going on behind him but obviously fails to notice how sloppy the stuff in the back actually is! He thinks they did a good job creating a lot of different elements and feels this was a tough challenge because he couldn’t imagine putting on any of the outfits. I’m running out of ways to describe this idiot.

Lil’ Mama says she knows this crew for their precise style and the fact that they’re very energetic. One section really popped out to her. She goes on about grooving and whatnot and ends up with the infamous “you know what I mean?” Um, no, I don’t. I have no idea what you just said. She thinks they had a good performance. Should have just said that at the start and saved me some typing.

We’re off to the battle of the bottom three.

Heavy Impact is first to start. I don’t care what anyone else says, I like these guys. They let nothing hold them back and always give 100% like they’re out there to prove a point. I suppose in a way they are but I refuse to focus on their size.  Poor Leon feels he let his crew down last week when his foot hit the pole which caused him to mess up his jump. Aaww! They’ll be dancing to “You Should Be Dancing” by the BeeGees and the move they’ll be incorporating is The Strut. Their rehearsal footage is just so much fun! They know they have to step it up with the double elimination this week.

They have a creative start. It looks like they’re at an audition, complete with numbers on their outfits. I wish they’d drop the whole “heavy” thing though. The lifts look a little clumsy but the death spiral at the end of it is really cool. These guys can dance, no matter their size. I just feel Isaac is off from the rest of the crew a bit. I liked their strut and they also threw in the funky guitar. I thought that was a fun routine but I don’t think they’ll survive the elimination.

No comments from the judges. We’re going straight to the next crew, Static Noyze. They’ll be performing to “A Fifth of Beethoven” by Walter Murphy. I’ve never heard of this song. Apparently they’ll be incorporating the ‘Staying Alive’ finger points. How is that challenging? Even I can do that! Unfortunately for them, it seems Enrique won’t be able to perform. He hurt his back a few weeks ago and the pain has only been getting worse so the doctor advises him not to perform. That’s a real bummer!

I like how they come out with the maestro thing but wow with the sloppy, people. They’re so not in sync and if it shows now, it will definitely show in the slow-mo. However, that lift is really cool, graceful and elegant! I commend them for going on after having lost a member. I can imagine how hard it is. But I feel they lost something along the way. I was excited about this crew at the start of the season but it seems they were never really able to shine as I expected them to. Enrique is all smiles and applauding all proud in the audience. Aaawww!

We’re down to the last crew of the night. Jungle Boogie will be performing to, you guessed it, “Jungle Boogie” by Kool & The Gang and they will try to incorporate The Bump. Oh no no no! Please tell me you’re not going to do the corny lift from Dirty Dancing! There’s no lake on this stage, people! It’s gonna hurt! And look ridiculous! Don’t do it! They admit they fumbled a little bit last week, so they can’t afford any mess ups this week.

Wow! The energy in this performance is mind blowing! And I love the pose they did at the start of their routine! They threw in some salsa! Ha! This performance has disco written all over it and it’s so much fun! Whoa! The lift! I didn’t see that one coming! Raqi sure has a lot of strength! How the heck is she keeping that dude up in the air for so long? That’s amazing! I look like an idiot, sitting here applauding but I don’t care! That was by far the best performance of the night!

The three remaining crews are back on stage.

We first go to Omarion who will be talking about Heavy Impact. He wants the guys to understand the statement they just made because people see their size and typecast them. But he feels they came out tonight and just danced. He didn’t expect to see them krumping and was surprised to see the death spiral. He tells them that no matter what happens tonight, they’re representing for their class and they did their thing.

Lil’ Mama tells Static Noyze that ever since she met them at the auditions in Boston, it was a stunning first impression. This however is not stunning grammar. Someone teach this girl proper English. She says they show their passion and that they’re very dedicated to what they do and they do it well so she respects that. She liked the lift because Suzette got up there and was very graceful and she smiled and held her legs apart, which is apparently a classy thing to do. I doubt my momma would agree. Anyway, she thinks they had a great performance. I wish for once she’d do some great judging.

JC gets to voice his opinion on Jungle Boogie. He felt this was such a great number and the opening pose reminded him of watching “Good Times”. I have no idea what he’s talking about but I bet he knows a thing or two about good times. He thought the performance was so playful and so fun with a lot of character and spirit. He really enjoyed watching them and also picks up on the salsa because he knows a thing or two about that too. Just like I said, JC also worried that they were going to do the Patrick Swayze / Baby lift and he was glad to see they didn’t and flipped it on him and had Raqi show some muscle. We’re so made for each other. He finishes by telling them he’s enjoyed them throughout the whole season and he thanks them for that.

Right, that’s it. During the break, the judges will make a historic decision and we’re seconds away from the first ever double elimination.

One team will continue their pursuit of the title. One crew has dug themselves out. The crew that will carry on and still has a chance to become America’s Best Dance Crew is …..


Based on the performances in the battle, I agree with that decision. Jungle Boogie completely outclassed Heavy Impact and Static Noyze.

Next week is Usher week! And hopefully the last of Saltare!

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  • http://www.stillnsync.com/ Still Nsync

    FABULOUS recap. BRAVO! Cannot wait for tonight's show… wondering who gets canned…. nervous…