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Recap TVGasm style! America’s Best Dance Crew: You Gotta Have a Gimmick

Submitted by on February 21, 2010 – 9:33 pmNo Comment

Courtesy TVGASM.com

YES. TVgasm is at it again with their SNARKtastic recap of Thursday’s episode of America’s Best Dance Crew!  See the first page under the cut, follow the links to read the rest!
Enjoy!

Yo Yo Yo!! Are you ready for the competition to FINALLY begin? On tonight’sAmerica’s Best Dance Crew the crews show us their stuff (again), we are still stuck in a regional format (blech), and Omarion is still a useless dumbass (unsurprisingly).

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I hate you AND your doofy sweater.

Mario tells us that we’ve just been through the most demanding auditions ever and now the top crews in the country are ready to go head to head. Define “top” please Mario. He reminds us yet again that the West has won every season. Can they do it again?

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Holy crap! Who is writing his lines this year? “This is where unknowns become immortals, and where dreams become destiny. This is where champions are born.” Sounds like a tagline for a Jean Claude Van Damme movie.

Mario comes out to tell us tonight we start the NATIONAL competition. Except it will be done in regional rounds, with each region competing and then the judges sending that region’s weakest crew to the bottom three where they will battle and one will be sent home. Bleh. I wish they’d stop with this regional/national crap. It’s fucking annoying.

After reintroducing us to the top nine crews, Mario wants to bring out the man who made all this possible. Mr. Randy Jackson.

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UGH! We’re not supposed to see you again until the finale! GO AWAY!

Yo. Randy wants to congratulate all the crews on making it this far. On my god, he is horrible at reading a teleprompter. Basically he’s there to unveil the crew banners. And get some airtime so he can watch himself on TV later.

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Royal Flush’s banner should have been a toilet with a crown on it.

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Mario, you smell SO good.

Bye Randy! Please stay off the show until the finale!

Mario tells us we’re diving in tonight with the Chart Topper Challenge. Sound exciting? Don’t get too worked up. They’ve given each crew a monster hit (song, not a hit off the bong that the writers are OBVIOUSLY using), and they have to dance to it. Ooooooooo. What a challenge. Thank god they saved something this difficult for the NATIONALS.

We’re starting out the evening with the West. Up first is the crew from Hawaii, Hype 5-0. They tell us they’re really trying to put Hawaii on the map, and prove that there is a hip hop scene there. It’s not just coconut bras and hula skirts. They also have tattoos to prove how serious they are about this.

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I hope he never gets kicked out of the group. That would suck.

They’re not just representing Hype 5-0 and Hawaii; they’re representing all of their friends and family. Who are their friends. I guess. Hell, I could give a rat’s ass. Can we just please get to the dancing? Mario says they’re going to bring molten hot moves ready to set off his erection an eruption.

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This was okay for me, not great. I like this crew; I think they have great energy and some really good ideas; they just need to be cleaner. I wish they had come out as the first crew and killed it. It was a respectable performance, but it didn’t blow me away.

Lil Mama’s up first, and I can’t get over how old she looks. She needs to fire her stylist.

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Eek! I never thought I’d miss those bedazzled baseball caps.

She thinks it was a cool performance, but she feels like their energy went down since the auditions. She wants to see them bring it. They’re competing against all of America (and Canada!) right now and she really wants them to come and represent for Hawaii.

Omarion really likes that they rep for their city and thinks it’s important to have your culture involved in what you’re doing. But he felt like they were nervous tonight. He wants to see the same intensity that they showed in the audition rounds. He thinks they can do better.

JC says there’s nothing really bad to say about the performance but the intensity was missing. He would also like them to think about trying some new body lines.

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L’eggs control tops work wonders. You should try them!

Up next for the West is Heavy Impact who want to show that bigger boys can dance too. Hmmmm……somehow I feel like I’ve heard this all before.

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Wonder why?

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